So, one of the reasons why I have been extra busy during the last couple of months, have been because Chris is not here. He left Okinawa in the beginning of November, and won't be back until the end of March. In total he will be gone for about 5 months. That's the longest the kids have been without him at all.
At Halloween, in the middle of a noisy parade, while I was busy keeping track of "Pinky Pie" (Bella) one of the characters from "My little Pony" and a Knight in shiny armor (Ben), Chris called me around 6pm to let me know that he got the word that he was about to go to South Korea "for awhile".
They needed someone to replace the guy that was working in one position there with very short notice, and Chris was "voluntold" to go. "Voluntold" to do something is a very common term in the military. You get the word that you "should" and that they need you and that it would be good if you volunteer to do it. How these things work is that you don't really have a choice. You CAN say no, but that doesn't look very good for promotion or any recommendations, so ofcourse the service member will say yes, as you do anything you can for a good career.
As they only have a few guys here on the island that can actually do my husband's work, there wasn't that many to choose from either. Someone to take charge of the PMO, Provost Marshal Office, on the Marine base in Pohang, South Korea, and as Chris has been in charge of three bases here on Okinawa, he was a very qualified choice.
So when he called, it wasn't really a question, not really a choice and as a good military wife, I am not one to be needy and jeopardize his career. Especially not so close to the end. 2020 is coming up very soon....So my only questions were pretty much, when do you leave, for how long and will you be put in harms way?
He left about 10 days later. Not much time to prepare. Normally if the men deploy or leave for all kinds of courses etc to be gone "for awhile" you would normally know in advance and prepare yourself, your family and details regarding taking care of the home front while he is gone. Now it was pretty much just packing his bags and off he was.
Then during the days, I volunteer a lot in the school, spend atleast 2 full days there a week, and then grocery shopping, running errands, getting kids, driving kids, more volleyball, for the time being it's twice/week. Weekends are mostly filled with driving to meetups with friends for the kids, playdates, sleepovers, more grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, homework etc etc...So, I've been busy to say the least.
It's a busy lifestyle anyway, with lots of functions and things to attend, and as I'm also one mom that tries to make everything happen for the kids that they want to attend, take part of etc, there isn't a lot of "Me-time".
Then of course he left just before the holiday season. He didn't even have time to go Trick or treat with us for Halloween as he was so busy finishing up and preparing for his departure at work..
He missed Thanksgiving...one of our favorite holidays!! All December is filled with almost daily and especially every weekend filled with Santa meeting, fairs and holiday things going on around the island. We had to set up the tree, decorate and prepare for our trip on Christmas without him.
Then he was gone for Christmas...but, we flew over to Korea to meet him and celebrate Christmas for a few days. More about that trip soon, as I have lots of pictures to share!
He missed New Years...Face timing at midnight isn't quite the same as sharing New Years kisses and say Happy New Year in person..
So it's been a lot of holidays and special events that he has missed with us, and where we have missed him a bit extra. Especially for the kids it's been hard and I'm then left with being the one to keep them happy, trying to keep up with traditions and make it special here at home even without him here..
It's also different from a "normal" deployment. When the active duty service member leaves to go off for a deployment to Iraq, Afghanistan or anywhere else, it's very different in many different ways. Ofcourse it's then very scary and one always have the fear that something might happen to your loved one. It's not to be compared at all. To have him a phone call away during Facetime at night, during the day it's impossible to reach him, is not to be compared to have him somewhere else in harms way.
BUT, it's harder for the family at home, for ME. If he had left for a "real" deployment, it would be special sending off events, it would be an organized check up on families from the FRO, Family Readiness Officer, there would be special events from the unit and for the families at home. There would be help, togetherness and acceptance and people reaching out hands to help with everything and anything. There would be special Homecomings with photo shoots with the Marines getting released to their families that are waiting with signs and open arms...Now - there is nothing of that.
He will be gone for 5 months, and yes, some deployments are longer than that, but still, it's a long time. But there are none of the things I mentioned above. There is no checking in, helping out or special events. I'm on my own. The Military Family, as so many people think are so tight and helping eachother all the time...well, let me brake that myth, it's not always like that. I don't have that. There are a few people that I could maybe reach out to if I really needed it, mostly people from my husband's work, that he has contacted to ask for help, and they ofcourse will say yes - like driving and picking me up from the airport when I had to leave for Tokyo over the day to pick up passports that Cassandra and I flew up to Tokyo to renew just the week before Chris left as they were expiring.
Or driving and picking up from airport when we left for South Korea, it was also one of my husband's co workers that drove us then. So not so much "the military village" that would normally surround you when husbands are deployed.
That has been hard, not that I want pity or that people feel sorry, but there is no understanding or stretched out hands with offers of help. Keep in mind all the times that you do need someone to step in except yourself when there is something going on around your family. Maybe you have your partner, your own family around, extended family, neighbors, friends...Take all that away, and it's a bit lonely and you soon see who your real friends are, if you have any around that is..It takes a lot of organizing and it's exhausting.
So, even if I'm used to take care of things and yes, the kids and I will be fine until my husband comes home, but sure, it's been busy and it's not like he would be gone for a week or two or travel with work. No, it's 5 months straight and he can't come back in between. He's not in the same country, but luckily in the same timezone.
Anyway, we miss him like crazy and can't wait to have the family complete again! But here you have some explanation on why I have been pretty much totally absent from the blog, there hasn't been any time.
